Sunday, December 19, 2010

About me

About me...

I am intelligent, sensitive, honest and sincere. I am very idealistic: pacifist/non-violent, environmentalist, non-sexist, non-racist, non-agist, non-jealous, not into looksism. (As proof of how non-agist and non-sizist I am, the people I've dated in the last few years have ranged in age from their early 20s to their late 70s, and weighed from 100 to 400 pounds.) I like good, healthy, clean living: healthy food, no drugs, no smoking, no alcohol, ONLY SAFE sex. Although I am not athletic, I love long walks. My main interest is personal sharing and getting to know people deeply, honestly and intimately. Not into non-intimate pastimes like games, sports, TV, etc. I like movies with "heart", meaning, an uplifting message; no violence. I like comedy and humor, but no jokes that are aimed to be at anybody's expense. I like LOTS of sex, but only in the context of relationships where we know each other well and care deeply about each other. I don't pay attention to gender; I don't care if a person is male or female; I just like universally human qualities, like honesty, integrity, compassion and cuddly affectionateness. I don't believe in exclusivity, nor jealousy, just deep loving caring and complete honesty.

Cuddly affectionateness is the most important thing to me. I love cuddly sexual relationships! Sexually, I love affectionately holding and cuddling and kissing and caressing each other all over head to toe until we orgasm! (as often as we can!) But before, during, and after, we continue cuddling. I also like being cuddly and affectionate everywhere, not just in bed. I like to cuddle and be affectionate all the time everywhere, as much as we can (in ways appropriate for where we are). I am primarily looking for partners who are as interested in being frequently/constantly affectionate as I am. Not just in bed, but also sitting together holding or touching when we can, or at least holding hands across the table, and holding hands or having arms around eachother when we walk.

I love to express and enhance the feeling of cuddlyness by wearing soft fluffy furry angora sweaters and furs. My biggest turn-on is soft fluffy furriness. I sleep snuggling with angora sweaters and fur coats between furry blankets rather than sheets. I wear angora, mohair, or cashmere sweaters or fleece shirts with fleecy pants and fleece-lined Ugg-style boots almost all the time, everywhere.

Looking for...

Cuddly affectionate idealistic healthy clean living people like me. Into open honest deep personal vulnerable intimate sharing/communication. Into coming together completely as EQUALS, with NO preconceived gender or power/position-based top/bottom roles. Bisexual or at least bifriendly. Polyamorous, nonjealous, nonpossessive, nonexclusive, but still fully committed and devoted to loving and caring and compassion and being fully present and 'there' for each other as much as possible. Bipoly loving family where everyone loves everyone equally in every way, regardless of gender. Open to 2some, 3some, 4some, moresome sexual interactions among the loving partners regularly, not just as an occasional fling. Ideally also fuzzy lovers, but at least accepting and supportive and encouraging of my fuzzy fetish passions.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Why I ignore gender

I do not pay attention to gender in my personal relating nor even in my sexuality. I do not identify myself as a man, and I do not pay any attention to whether people I am relating to or attracted to are male or female. I am actually turned off by both masculinity and femininity. I only pay attention to each person's humanity, personhood, universal human qualities.

Gender identification disempowers people by misleading them to think that they are (and naturally must be), and thus to settle for being, less than their full human potential. The masculine and feminine genders are defined by dividing the universe of potential human characteristics into two arbitrarily culturally-defined subsets, then each gender is defined by over-emphasising one subset of characteristics that is assigned to that gender and de-emphasizing, actually disowning, the other subset of characteristics that has been arbitrarily assigned to be the strengths of the other gender.

Males are expected to be strong, goal-oriented, self-assured, dominant, unemotional, competitive. Females are expected to be weaker, less intelligent, more emotional, soft, receptive, nurturing, sensitive, submissive, self-denying. "Enlightened" modern cultures give lip-service to encouraging males and females to be more liberated, for males to embrace their "feminine side" and be more emotionally sensitive and nurturing, and for females to develop their "masculine side" and embrace their intelligence, strength, and self-esteem. However, it is just this considering these characteristics as a masculine or feminine "side" that interferes with the encouragement to embrace our full potential. Boys and girls are subjected to overwhelmingly strong and very rigid messages that are usually quite vehemently enforced to look and act like a boy if you have a penis, to look and act like a girl if you have a vagina, and to learn to grow up to be a real man or proper woman. This is how the limiting stereotypes of masculinity and femininity are passed on and firmly entrenched generation after generation. By the time more enlightened messages are later given to embrace our full potential, it is too late, because it is then being just layered on top of the rigid limiting gender images that were so strictly imposed on us as children. To call strength, intelligence, and assertiveness a woman's "masculine side" that must be developed, and to call nurturing and sensitivity a man's "feminine side" that must be embraced, externalizes and holds those attributes at arm's length rather than fully claiming, internalizing, and owning them as fully integrated innate aspects of the self. Also, society gives men and women very mixed messages, with the more enlightened facets encouraging liberation while conservatives continue to try to impose and enforce the more limiting traditional gender roles.

So for me, the route to full liberation has been to be completely outside the gender paradigm (which I luckily did so early in childhood that I do not remember ever being inside it). I am not susceptible to messages about what it is to be a real man, because I do not consider myself a man and do not try to nor want to be one. I just want to be myself. I value being intelligent and sensitive and self-directed and nurturing and self-confident and considerate and assertive and caring and logical and affectionate. I feel free to choose from the full range of human characteristics and decide which I choose to embody. I choose to be cooperative rather than competitive, compassionate rather than judgmental, peaceful rather than violent. I choose to be neither dominant nor submissive, but to relate only as equals. On a less moral and more just preferential side, I choose to be just strong enough to be healthy, but not athletic. I choose to have long hair and wear soft fuzzy clothing, but not look feminine.

When I look for other people to be with, to be close to and intimate with, I look for the same characteristics that I value in myself. And I ignore whether they are male or female, as well as ignoring their age, looks, height, weight, race, etc. What matters is whether we share the same values and want to do the same things.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Living Love Affirmations

The following affirmations are adapted and expanded by me from the Twelve Pathways authored by Ken Keyes Jr. in his Handbook to Higher Consciousness. About two-thirds of this is Ken's words. I added the rest to fill in the other essential concepts and tools from the Handbook and his other Living Love books that Ken had not included in his original Twelve Pathways. Thus, the affirmations below present all the essential concepts and tools of Living Love together in the same powerful affirmation format.

I am freeing myself from the security, sensation, and power addictions that make me try to forcefully control the people and situations in my life, and thus destroy my serenity and keep me from loving myself and others unconditionally.

I am discovering how my consciousness-dominating addictive conditioning distorts my perceptions to create my illusory versions of the changing world of people and situations around me.

I welcome the opportunity, even if painful, that my minute-to-minute experience offers me to become aware of the addictions I must reprogram to be liberated from my robot-like emotional patterns.

When I notice myself becoming emotionally upset, I consciously focus on associating my perceived suffering exclusively with the addictive conditioning that is its only true immediate and practical cause, and don't blame anyone nor anything external nor myself as a whole being.

I focus my attention to identify the positive intentions that are always behind everything everyone says or does.

I choose to replace my addictive conditioning with preferential programming, and I choose the preferential programming that I want to replace my addictive conditioning.

I reprogram my addictions to uplevel them to preferences by repeatedly affirming loving acceptance for the people and situations that trigger my addictions, and by constantly reminding myself that I can achieve my positive intentions whether or not my demands are met.

I accelerate my reprogramming process by using consciousness focussing techniques to redirect the emotional energy generated by my addictions to serve as a psychic lubricant to help insert my chosen preferential programming deeper into my consciousness more quickly.

I always remember that I already have everything I need to enjoy my here and now, unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.

I take full responsibility, here and now, for everything I experience, since it is my own programming that creates my experience and my actions, and also influences the reactions of all around me.

I accept myself and everyone completely here and now and consciously experience everything we feel, think, say, and do, including our emotion-backed addictive demands, as a necessary part of our growth into higher consciousness.

I open myself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree only keeps me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.

I feel with loving compassion the problems of others, without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.

I act freely when I am tuned-in, centered, and loving, but if possible, I avoid acting when I am emotionally upset and depriving myself of the wisdom that flows from love and expanded consciousness.

I instantly double my consciousness and loving compassion and inner wisdom by consciously perceiving everything everyone says or does as though I had said it or done it, and by consciously identifying with the positive intentions behind all our words and actions.

I am continually calming the restless scanning of my rational mind in order to tune in to the finer energies that enable me to unitively merge with all around me.
(in other words) I am quieting the chatter of my mental interferences so as to percieve the subtler cues that I can use to guide me to make optimally wise decisions that harmoniously flow with every situation I meet.

I am constantly aware of which of the seven centers of consciousness I am using, and I feel my energy, perceptiveness, wisdom, effectiveness, love, compassion, inner peace, and happiness growing as I expand my consciousness to open all seven centers of consciousness, from security, sensation, and power, to love, cornucopia, conscious awareness, and cosmic consciousness.

I am learning to live the law of higher consciousness, to love everyone unconditionally, including myself, by consciously perceiving everyone, including myself, as an awakening being who is here to claim our birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.

I maximize my effectiveness by loving more and demanding less.
I maximize my happiness by loving more and demanding less.

All ways we're living love.
We're all one living love.
All ways we live love.
We are one living love.

Love is the meaning of life.
Love gives meaning to life.
The meaning of life and the reason for living is to learn to love unconditionally.

Everything in life is perfect, either for our happiness or for our growth.
Whatever we enjoy is perfect for our happiness.
Whatever we do not enjoy is perfect for our growth, because it gives us the opportunity to continue working on learning to love unconditionally.

(And even though it comes from a different source, I adapted the following and include it here, because it fits so well along with all the above.)
Regarding things that I wish were different, I seek and claim the strength and courage to change the things that I can change, the serenity to accept what can not be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Monday, August 17, 2009


The first polyamory books I discovered 
The first polyamory writings I discovered were the poly relationships discovery novels of Robert Rimmer from the 60s and 70s: The Harrad Experiment (the first one I read at 18), Proposition 31, the Premar Experiments, Come Live My Life, The Rebellion of Yale Marratt, Love Explosion, etc. Also the poly social science fiction of Robert Heinlein: Stranger In A Strange Land, I Will Fear No Evil, Time Enough for Love, etc. These books did not introduce me to the idea of polyamory, because that just came naturally to me; I could never understand why everybody else was into monogamy and exclusiveness. But these books let me know that others were also thinking about and writing about what I had always thought. I did not get introduced to poly magazines/journals like Loving More until the last 30 years, by which time I was no longer as interested in reading about it so much because I was more focussed on just doing it.

More On My Polyamory
In my idea of polyamory, Love can and should last forever, and should not end just because we found someone else to love also. I have stayed lifelong friends with all my poly partners. And the new ones get to know the old ones. (The only times ever I broke up with people and did not remain friends was with each of my 3 non-poly monogamous wives, when over the years together we found out about aspects of eachother's personalities that we really did not like and so we did not stay friends.)

I am not interested in sexual variety. I just like to be as affectionate with my friends as they are willing to share with me. And for me it is only natural that loving affection could include sexuality if they want to share that with me. It is important to me that my primary partner not feel upset about such affectionateness. It is all just expressing and sharing  love.

I also do not feel the need that most other people have to focus sexual affection on just one person at a time. I can enjoy sharing loving affection with 2 or 3 other people at the same time (all in bed together). It feels wonderful to have loving people on both sides.

I have been in 3 triad relationships and 1 quad. In each case, everyone loved everyone equally.

Throughout my adult life I have surrounded myself with straight friends who are liberal enough that gender orientation and polyamory are not an issue. My being surrounded by such accepting liberals made my life as a bi poly man with long hair who wears fuzzy sweaters much easier. Especially for all the years when I was the only bi I knew and the many more years when I was the only man I knew who gets turned on by wearing fuzzy sweaters.

My need for cuddling is so strong that I can't stand sleeping with empty arms, so I sleep cuddling fuzzy body pillows. I would love to be with someone who simply always wants to be in eachothers arms, always being affectionate (but decent as appropriate in public) wherever we are.

Clarification About Jealousy
I am jealousyphobic. Jealousy terrifies me. I have to clarify what I mean by jealosy. Jealousy is not just a fear of loss. I can understand fear of loss. Usually, jealousy involves exclusiveness and possessiveness, and a righteous indignation that the loved one does not have the RIGHT to be affectionate with anyone else. However, even if someone is not possessive and does not believe they own their partner, and even if they are not righteously indignant and don't believe that there partner does not have a right to be affectionate with anyone else, still, they can feel that their partner's affection with someone else was a painful harmful act and violent blow to them, a stab in the heart. That is jealousy. Even if they have no fear of future loss. Sometimes jealous people say the offending act can not be undone, even if the partner sincerely promises never to do any such thing again.
I can not have compassion for jealousy, whether it is due to possessiveness, righteous indignation, or feeling stabbed in the heart just because I was affectionate with a friend. My last wife begged and pleaded with me to feel compassion for her raging jealousy, especially since we were participating in the Compassionate Communication movement. My inability to deal with the jealousy led to our splitting.
I can easily have compassion for my current wife's fears of loss of attention and security. However, one of her most endearing characteristics is that, as she says, she "does not have a jealous bone in her body." 

Compersion is feeling joy when one's intimate partner or romantic loved one is sharing intimately with another intimate partner. Here is my favorite example to explain Compersion to traditional-thinking folks. Imagine how parents would feel on their child's wedding night (when their child has married the kind of person they always wanted them to marry), first seeing the wedding kiss, then later knowing the marriage is being consumated: they feel joyous, gratified, satisfied, proud and happy for their wed child. Now imagine applying those same joyous feelings instead to someone you are in love with (such as your spouse), who is in bed with someone else they also love. That joy is compersion.

Compersion has always been the only thing that has felt natural to me. I've never felt jealousy, and as I said above, I've never been able to really understand how almost everybody else does feel jealousy as natural.

My Idealism

My idealistic belief system, my philosophy of life, my spirituality, is based on a combination of 2 related philosophical thought/practice systems: Living Love/The Science of Happiness, as presented in the Handbook to Higher Conscousness by Ken Keyes Jr., and Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication, presented in Nonviolent Communication, a Language of Compassion, by Marshall Rosenberg. I highly recommend reading both books. They clearly explain what I consider to be the highest ideals of how to live. I hope they are still available in libraries and book stores.

Now more explanation of aspects of my spirituality that would likely not be covered in those books.

Ethical Atheism Based Solely on the Ethical Imperative of Personal Internal Authority
I am an atheist only for purely ethical reasons. I consider the question of whether God ACTUALLY exists to be totally IRRELEVANT and just DISTRACTING from more meaningful considerations.

I highly value high self esteem and believe in self/internal authority. Belief in a higher power, a god or gods, is just putting oneself down, believing that oneself is not worthy and wise enough to determine for oneself what is best. Society is structured to inculcate everyone to subject themselves and submit to external authority. That way the masses can be controlled and made to do what the people in power want (including the ultimate counterproductive insanity of war). People like me (alas there are too few) who are ethically oriented to rely on being guided by their internal authority would never subject themselves to participating in such destructive insanity. So to maintain its power structure, society transmits and perpetuates the submissive nature in people through the family structure and what is considered normal, healthy, necessary parenting actions. Children are trained that they must do what their parents and other authority figures tell them to do. And they are told how they should think. They are not allowed to decide for themselves what is best to do, to develop an internal authority. In order to keep people under control after they are no longer small enough to easily be controlled by brute parental force, society extended the parental controlling role by creating the ultimate parental authority figure(s), invisible, omnipresent, all-knowing parental authority figure(s), God(s). I affirm the primacy and wisdom of my internal authority and refuse to degrade myself by imagining and subjecting myself to a higher power, God. By affirming my internal authority, I take on the responsibility for gathering the necessary information and input from others and discerning and deciding wisely what is the most healthy desirable course of action providing the most benefit and least detriment for all concerned.

My Ethics Is Simple
I want to highlight and elaborate here upon the key crucial ideals/concepts introduced above in my explanation of my position of Ethical Atheism.

My conception of ethics is exquisitely simple. Maximize benefits to all concerned, and do NO harm of any kind to any and all humans, and minimize any harm to all of the rest of life.

I find the concepts and terms Benefit and Harm to be the terms that are most useful for rational ethics.

Society, however, in order to make people controllable, created and focuses on Good and Evil rather than Benefit and Harm. Good and Evil are defined by society strictly in terms of following the dictates of Authorities. Thus killing in war, when done at the direction of Authority, is considered good, noble, service to country; whereas killing on your own, without being ordered by Authority, is Murder, the worst form of Evil.

In my simple ethics, ALL killing or harming of humans is HARM, and therefore never justifiable.

The gray areas that are open to legitimate ethical discussion in my ethics would include such questions as:
Is the harm of killing animals for food justified by the benefit of providing nutrition for humans.
Is a fetus considered a 'human'? And if not, then is the harm of killing an unborn baby in abortion justified by the benefit to the mother?

Beyond these kinds of ethical questions, I believe my simple ethics of maximizing benefits and doing no harm of any kind at all to humans, and minimizing any and all harm to all life otherwise, is the most robust and least manipulatable/twistable/pervertable ethical formulation available.

The Domination/Submission Paradigm is "The Root of All Evil"
First, I define "evil" as the capacity to do harm. So I am discussing here how the Domination/Submission Paradigm works and how it creates the capacity to do harm.
Domination means one with more power forcing others to do whatever the powerful one wants. Key to this is that one can not dominate others unless the others submit themselves to domination. Thus the success and continuance of a domination power structure depends on the subjects being conditioned and trained to be submissive.

I believe people are innately good, cooperative, and wise, otherwise the species could not have survived the million years of evolution from the apes. So the capacity to do harm is not innate. It has to be inculcated into us.

So where did the Domination/Submission Paradigm and the capacity to do harm come from? The following is my understanding of how the Domination/Submission Paradigm arose and spread cancerously across the globe. I subscribe to the theory that at the end of the last ice age, about 10,000 years ago, the Sahara and the deserts of the middle east and central asia formed from lands that had been lush and fertile and an idyllic home to large populations of peaceful people during the ice age. This desertification of lush lands into barren deserts due to rapid climate change is probably what was being referred to in the biblical story of the expulsion from the Garden of Eden. The massive famines and hardships brought on by the desertification created great misery and desperation among the few survivors. Many orphaned children had no adults around to help them out and guide them and give them wisdom. In their immaturity and desperation and misery they had to fumblingly come up with any new coping mechanisms they could devise to survive. Under those desperate circumstances, a system of having strong dominant leaders and the rest of the group be submissive followers was a mechanism that allowed the group to survive. Due to the extreme scarcity of resources, the group resorted to feeding itself and surviving by raiding, pillaging and conquering other groups surrounding them. That is how the first warlike groups arose and flourished and spread across the globe. All the peaceful cooperative groups of people of the world were conquered and wiped out by the marauding dominating warring tribes. Then, after the global spread of the Domination/Submission Paradigm was complete, it was able to justify itself by inventing the mistaken belief that warring and evil were always an innate part of human nature, whereas it was in fact just a relatively recent unfortunate invention resulting from unfortunate fumbling responses to the desperation and destitution caused by the desertification, that was able to then spread infectiously across the globe like a malignant cancer.

As I said above, for a domination power structure to work, the subjects must be conditioned and trained to be submissive. It is in fact this conditioning to be submissive that creates the capacity to do harm. People are trained to be submissive by being told that they are innately evil and need to be controlled. They are taught to not trust themselves, not respect themselves, not respect each other, just to respect Authority. People who do not trust nor respect themselves nor each other are capable of harmful acts that people who do respect themselves and each other would not be capable of. This disrespect of self is inculcated into children by what is considered normal common parenting messages. "Children are not to be respected; they must just respect their parents. They can not know what is good for them. They must be told what to do. Without being told what to do they would be little monsters." "Do what I told you. Why? Because I'm your parent and I said so!" These messages are enforced and drilled into the child's psyche by painful punishment. "Spare the rod, spoil the child." The child gets the message that "If I am being hit by the people I trust and rely on the most to take care of me and protect me, then obviously NOBODY can be trusted individually. Only the Authorities must be trusted and respected.

But the psychology of submission to Authority is a two-edged sword. It breeds not only submission, but also rebellion. So people who rebel against authority, but still have no respect for themselves nor others, are capable of doing all kinds of harm. So this is how the Domination/Submission Paradigm creates the capacity to do harm, and thus is the root of all evil. People who do not respect themselves and each other can either do harm on their own if they are rebellious, or the dominating power Authorities can order them to do the greatest possible harm to the most people through war. Since war was the mechanism by which the Domination/Submission Paradigm was spread throughout the globe, warring and soldiering are integral parts of the dominant cultures.

One other common feature of normal parenting is key to preparing the child's psyche for being conditioned to submit. That is having children sleep alone in their own cribs/beds. When the baby cries to express its agony over being left all alone and to beg for comforting, the parents are told to let the baby cry it out or the child will be spoiled. By being left alone all night every night, and not comforted, every baby/child starts its life by experiencing abandonment. This wound of infantile abandonment and its psychological scars makes children more vulnerable to the messages about being innately evil and not respectable.

Personal Perspectives
Turning from the idealistic spiritual ethical perspective to a more personal perspective, my growing up thinking for myself and deciding for myself and holding high self esteem (knowing that I am worthy and deserve the best) has affected my life profoundly. I have always sought to find and determine what is best (to me) and then focus on what I think is best and leave the rest alone. That is why after I decided that intimacy is the best kind of human interaction for me, I have focussed my life (outside of work) on intimacy (both intimate verbal communication and intimate cuddly touch) and have been losing interest in many other things. Similarly when I discovered and decided that soft fluffy furryness is the best texture that my skin can feel, I focussed on that being the only texture I want to feel, and cover myself all over in soft fuzzies. I recognize that in these ways I have excessively narrowed and limited myself, but I accept myself as I am.

Now, I will explain how being born Jewish profoundly affected my life. As a Jew born just 4 years after the end of world war II, my psyche was steeped in the terrors of the Holocaust. I lived with this terrible fear buried deep inside that I could be tortured and killed just for being a Jew. And even though I was not brought up practicing in the faith, my nose would always clearly identify me as a Jew to anyone. Although I have been very fortunate and I have never actually personnly experienced any antisemitism, when I was a pre-schooler, my older brother was getting beaten up every day at school by gentile bullies. So I knew the threat and danger was real. I was, though, also brought up to believe that jews were hated by gentiles out of envy, because we were so successful professionally and financially, and that our success was because we had high standards of valuing learning and scholarship. So I learned that I as a Jew was basically good (even better than others?) despite being hated for being different.

As I grew up and developed self esteem and learned to think and decide for myself, I internalized and transformed that danger of being a Jew in a creative and liberating way. First of all, as the years went by and I was not personally experiencing horrendous antisemitic acts, I began thinking that maybe the world might be safer for me than I had thought. Further, since I was already living with the danger of my nose marking me as a Jew no matter what I did, and I was growing up in a town where my family were the only Jews, so I had grown used to feeling different from most of the people around me, then why should I fear being different from everybody else in other ways too? This was the liberating part! So when I noticed that I was attracted to gentle boys and wanted to cuddle with them, but I was the only boy I knew who felt this way, and I knew that people said it was bad, then I still knew there was nothing wrong with me for feeling that way, and as long as I didn't let anybody know how I felt, I was fine. Again, when I discovered I was attracted to soft fuzzy things in a way that nobody else was, I knew I was fine. And if I am already walking around with a Jewish nose that everybody can see, why can't I also let everbody see me wearing soft fuzzy sweaters? And if I wanted to grow my hair long when everybody else is cutting theirs short, why not? So I gave myself permission to be exactly the way I want to be, even though I am different from everybody else. And I gave myself the freedom to be open about how I am, unless I have clear evidence that it would be dangerous to do so. So I knew it would be dangerous to openly express attraction and affection to boys when I was a child, but as an adult I know that the world has changed enough so I can safely walk hand in hand with a man and even kiss anywhere I want to go, and I do not want to go anywhere that it is not safe. And I know that no safety is total and absolute; a crazy person could pop up anywhere. But I feel safe enough to be myself openly. And I celebrate that!

Television Selectiveness Due to Intolerance for Manipulative Mass Media Messaging
I am not interested in any of the overwhelming majority of shows that are all part of the good vs. evil paradigm that I can not stand to see acted out over and over and over. I live in the love is everything and everything is love paradigm. The love paradigm does not make for any good drama, only great wisdom to live by. 

The ONLY TV I watch now is just the best of the science shows, such as Cosmos, Nova, Nature, How the Universe Works, and Through the Wormhole. I don't like what I call testosterone-soaked science that has become so popular lately and has almost completely taken over, such as myth-busters, what could possibly go wrong?, and all the nature shows about the world's deadliest, strongest, weirdest, strangest, bad-assed animals fighting each other. 

The only comedy I watch is mostly thoughtful satire, like the "Daily" and "Nightly" shows and my favorite, "Last Week Tonight". I enjoy those because of how thoughtful they are. However, even those are based on the same premise that makes me hate to watch the news. I define "news" as "here is what we can tell you about so you can get upset about it today." Society's goal is to keep people always getting upset, so as to keep them susceptible to being duped into being consumers and soldiers. My favorite satire pokes more innocent humorous fun at politics, such as "The Capitol Steps" which is a satire troupe made up of congressional staffers, and "That Was the Week that Was" in the '60s. Most satire unfortunately is just saying "here is how to laugh sarcastically at the infuriatingly stupid things that our politicians do." Such satire unfortunately just fits right back into the "let's get you upset" paradigm of the news they are satirizing. I also like stand-up, and comedic song parodies like Wierd Al, and Tom Lehr (not sure of the spelling) in the '60s.

I Don't Play Any Kinds of Games
I do not play any games of any kind at all. I have 2 deeply held principles that underlie and explain my lack of interest in any games. 

First is my total pacifism and noncompetitiveness. As an absolute pacifist, I do not participate in nor support ANY violence. I do not believe there is ever any justification for violence nor harming anyone in any way. My noncompetitiveness grows out of my position of not seeing others as enemies and so never engaging in any adversarial activity. I see competitiveness and adversarial positions as the basis and roots of violence. The whole winner-loser adversarial paradigm on which all competitive games are based is the foundational basis of war. I live instead entirely in the win-win cooperation paradigm.

Therefore, I am not interested in any competitive activity, not sports, games, nor politics. I only like seeing the beautiful performances such as gymnastics and ice skating at the Olympics, but could not care less about the scoring and medals and who wins. The same goes for America's Got Talent and such shows, where I like seeing the beautiful creative talented performances but totally ignore and am frankly quite annoyed by all the hype about judging and eliminating and winning. 

Again, this is just how I am. I don't need (and couldn't possibly expect) everyone I love to exactly share all my patterns. I share with each friend what we enjoy sharing together, and don't worry about what we don't share. The only exception to this is that I can not be close to, much less intimate with, anyone who engages in violence and harming anyone in any way. Competitive games are just a way of playing at adversarial relationships. But as long as people do not engage in actual violence, I can ignore and accept their game playing.

My second guiding principle is intimate personal authenticity. Gaming often involves taking on mythical personas. Sexual role-playing games and play sessions do the same thing. I am only interested in relating from total personal authenticity. I am interested only in knowing the realest you at the deepest possible levels, and have no interest in playing at creating false personas. That is why I have no interest in the "furry" subculture, which is into creating and identifying with furry creature personas. I'm only interested in sharing the sensual enjoyment of soft furry textures while sharing in personal authentic cuddly intimacy.

Other things about me

My recent marriage since 2013
My marriage is totally unconventional so I expect most people would not understand it. The marriage is based entirely on UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, which I consider to be the highest form of love, and not at all on romantic love, which I do not believe in at all.

I married her without expecting from her many of the things I would want and expect from an ideal spouse, simply because I knew that our lives would be so much better together than they had been before we knew each other. Years of experience together has so far proved this right, better than I imagined. To further explain how my nonsexual marriage of convenience is a mutually beneficial rational arrangement, before we met, we were both lonely and both had serious financial problems, but together, we have companionship and have gotten out of debt and are quite comfortable and secure now with our combined pensions. 

My wife is a very affectionate asexual. How do I explain what seems to be a contradiction in terms? Simple! She shares with me the same affection she used to share with her cats, when she had them, years before meeting me. Our landlord does not allow pets, so I get what she felt for and shared with her cats. She even calls me by the same pet names she used to use for her cats.

Even though we are basically happy, content and secure with each other, there are still levels of intimate interaction that remain unavailable with my wife, but that I still very much want and need. My wife wishes that I could just want and be satisfied with only what she has to offer, so she could be my "everything", but she recognizes and accepts that I need more intimacy and "deep" interactions, even though she can't seem to really fully comprehend what intimacy and depth of communication actually involve.

My entering into a non-intimate marriage of convenience can also be explained by my being so alternative and so idealistic as well as having such a high libido and high needs for intimate and intellectual communication, that I have never been optimistic about my chances of finding a partner who wants to share with me everything that I want in a relationship.

(My wife understandably resents some of the wording in the next paragraph. She is now changing rapidly since I wrote it and working to prove to me that my characterization of her is wrong. If at some point I agree that it is no longer accurate I will edit it accordingly.)
Rather than being like a traditional marriage, my marriage can more accurately be characterized/described as being more like an adoption of a special-needs child, (even though we are nearly the same age (in our 60s) and she is quite intelligent), where I enjoy and am dedicated to caring for her life-long, but still need to look elsewhere for fulfillment of my intimacy needs (not just sex, but emotional, spiritual, and intellectual idealistic intimacy). She is nonsexual and has arrested emotional development at a pre-pubescent stage. I got together with her knowing she can not meet my intimacy and sexual needs, just because I knew we could both have much better lives together, keeping each-other company and helping each-other out throughout life, sharing companionship and innocent cuddly affection, though not the deep intimate affection that I still need to share with someone else. She (like most people) also does not share my need for sharing deep intellectual idealistic conversations, so I also have to look for the incredibly rare others who also crave those. So this is why I characterize my love for my wife as more like love for a child. The one big difference is that a parent has great hopes for seeing, and a great responsibility for helping develop, the child's growth and maturation into a successful fully mature adult. I have to accept and appreciate my wife just as she is without any expectations of her developing any further maturity, which is why I characterize the relationship as being like a special-needs adoption.

I know most people would be creeped out by my calling my marriage more like an adoption, but that is the best way I know to express the depth of devoted commitment and love I have for her. Also, calling the marriage more of an adoption emphasizes that I went into it consciously and intentionally, whereas too many people get married and have children without adequately thinking it through and being prepared for it. 

However, I still have deep intimacy needs that she doesn't meet, and that I still want to get met with someone else who can honor and be friends with her while sharing deep intimacy with me. New friends/partners need to respect her and accept her as they would any family member of mine. Especially you need to engage with her too and earn her trust and friendship so she can enjoy you being with us. 

My marriage works as well as it does because my wife accepts things about me that most people reject. My deep enjoyment of body smells, armpits, feet, and crotches are my favorite most sexy smells (perfume turns me off). My need to sleep in a bed totally covered in soft fuzzy furryness rather than sheets. My need to be totally covered in soft furryness headtotoe, especially including covering my face and my hands, in order to be sexually turned on, to have an erection, and to orgasm. Skin to skin touch actually turns me off. My need for several orgasms a day. Loud noises I make at night.

My wife is fine with my pursuing other intimate relationships. She is used to it. She knows I've been unsuccessfully seeking full-time live-in intimate partners my whole life. She knows that she and I share love in the ways we can, but that I have very strong intimacy needs that I have to pursue getting fulfilled. When my out-of-state fuzzy friend visits once a year on his annual business trip to San Diego, she is just fine with him and they get along great. 

When I fell in love with the younger couple that we affectionately call "The Kids", who ultimately decided they would rather be our adult kids that we could enjoy being proud of, rather than have a sexual relationship with me, but still are very much in love, she is fine with them and welcomed them to share our home with us even before they decided they do not want me sexually.  

One thing I have learned about her in the 2 years we have been together is that while she has proven that her claim of not being jealous of me sexually is true (when we married I just trusted her on that claim, which was crucial to our getting together at all, but it took testing it afterward to prove it), however, unfortunately, I have found that she is extremely jealous of our finances. This financial jealousy is a big problem for me, because one of my great joys in life is being generous. She unfortunately believes that my kind of generosity would only be ok if we were super rich and had more money than we could ever possibly spend on ourselves.

"The Kids"
We also have housemates with us in our home. We originally met on the OKCupid dating website, because of our mutual interest in creating intimate loving polyamorous extended family. When we met and talked, we found we are beautifully compatible in so many ways, and quickly grew to love each other deeply. I consider them to be the idealistic soulmates I've searched my whole life to find. Because of them, I can now say I hit the jackpot and struck gold and found my soulmates on OKCupid! And I only had to search for 50 years to find them!

However, we found that sexual activity would not be included in what we share with each other (their choice not mine). I think the main reasons for the kids' decision not to be sexual with me were my hygiene and odor, and my extremely limited sexual style. They told me they would not want me to sacrifice the odors I enjoy in order to be clean enough to share sexuality with them. They also enjoy a wide variety of kinky sexual activities that I would not be interested in. Still we are the best of friends.

He is in his mid-40s and she is mid-20s. What we found has worked out best for us is that they are the ideal grown-up children that I always had wanted. They sometimes affectionately call me "Dad" (they call Mary "Queen Mary") and Mary and I call them "the Kids". 

For background perspective on my history with children, my late wife "Mary the First's" 2 sons, that I raised with her from toddlers in 1976 to young men, refused to ever see or talk to me again when she and I split in 1992. So I lost that first family. Not having any contact with them all these years, though very sad and disappointing, was also probably for the best, because despite the loving progressive parenting I gave them, they grew up to become a red-neck and a born-again, who I would have alot of trouble relating to. 

But now I have the ideal progressive free-thinking like-minded intelligent successful children I've always wanted! (Like every jewish mother's dream, I get to say "My Son the Doctor"!) 

I married them! I officiated at their wedding!

Our agreement with them is that they will stay here with us until they start having babies in a few years, at which time they will get their own place (hopefully very near-by) to raise their family. Then we will get to be proud grandparents!

Update on 2015 retirement 
I just retired from my 4 decades long career as an environmental scientist/planner. I feel incredibly fortunate that I enjoyed my job that pays me well, that it took only 40 hours a week of my time and attention, and it has given me a secure comfortable retirement pension. I retired only because my new relationship/marriage gives me better things to do with my time.

Clutter Tolerance
I have been accused of having packrat tendencies. Lukily, in recent years, I have been able to keep that focussed just on my huge collection of soft fuzzy things. I no longer accumulate anything else, which is good because I have never learned to enjoy throwing anything out. 

To further explain my alternative attitude toward ignoring and tolerating clutter, there is a common view that a cluttered environment creates a distracted cluttered mind. My personal experience and perspective is the opposite. I see people who notice the clutter around them and then obsessively think about what to get rid of to eliminate the clutter, as polluting their own mind with unnecessary distracting thoughts . I keep my mind clear and focused and serene by simply ignoring clutter around me and staying focused on what matters to me. I think the clutter that matters and does harm is cluttering the mind with noticing and getting upset about and efforting at changing things that don't even need to be noticed.

My weight has yoyoed throughout my adult life. I am currently about 200, 70+ pounds down so far from my alltime high of 270 in 2008. I have to keep at it now through the long process to get myself back down to 170. The last time I was in the 170s was 2006. I actually don't diet. My pattern has been that I lose weight by losing my appetite when I am depressed. I usually get depressed when I have lost friendships to death or them moving away or groups dissolving. When I am feeling good because I have abundant friendships and social activities, I have a voracious appetite and enjoy sharing meals with my friends, and most of our social activities include potlucks. So then my weight balloons up rapidly. In 2008, my extreme excess weight actually caused a new depression to set in. I felt so weighed down and draggy it made me feel sick and I could not fully enjoy much of anything any more. So I lost interest in most social activities and mostly stayed home alone in bed and lost my desire to eat as long as I stayed in bed. As the weight came off, I have started feeling better and more interested in doing things again, and now I am faced with needing to stick to my determination to continue dropping the exess weight until I get down to my healthy range and then keep it there. In 2013-14, my weight has stayed fairly constant, between 200 and 235, for the first time in ages, which I have considered a small victory since I have been feeling good and enjoying life again but have managed to keep myself from gaining weight. But now I am redoubling my determination and efforts to shed the remaining pounds to get my body back to its ideal weight range.

I never learned to cook. Mostly I just don't eat at home. Before I retired, I had breakfast and lunch at work and then just didn't have a supper. That has contributed to my losing weight. On weekends I don't eat anything when I am really depressed. Now I am eating just a lunch each weekend day. Forgoing suppers is easy for me because I do not feel comfortable in bed if I have a full stomach.

When I had an active social life my bedtimes were very eratic, ranging from before 8 if I had nothing to do to after midnight if I had an evening activity. The eratic sleep schedule combined with sleep apnea to cause me to doze frequently at work. My boss finally told me at the end of 2008 that I had to do something about it or I would be in trouble. So I went to the doctor and took a sleep apnea test and got a sleep breathing machine and mask that I now wear every night. The breathing tube mask makes me look like a cross between Darth Vader and the Borg. I was also told to keep regular sleep hours and get at least 8 hours a night. So until I retired, I routinely had been going to bed before 8 on work nights. I took the breathing mask off around 4:30, and then luxuriated semi awake in my furry bed just enjoying the luscious fluffy feelings until I got up at 5:45, to shower and dress to leave by 6:30 to be at work by 7. On weekends I don't have hours. I enjoy my furry bed so much that I just don't get up unless and until I have something in particular to do. I am often in bed until 2 or 3 pm. If invited to do something with someone in a morning, I will get up whenever I need to. The time I go back to bed on weekends just depends on whether I have an evening activity. When I was depressed, I didn't get up on the weekend at all except to go to the bathroom. Now, since retirement, every day is like a weekend.

BACKGROUND: My mother was a terrible house keeper. Our home when I was a child was always cluttered and dirty, so that is what I grew up consider normal. My mother was also a terrible cook and incredibly cheap. She bought only the cheapest canned goods and TV dinners, nothing fresh. So I did not even know what good food tasted like until after I left home at 21. When I was on my own, I became dedicated (almost addicted) to eating tasty and nutritious foods. I did not, however, feel any need to live in a cleaner home than I had grown up to be used to. I have always left it to my partners to determine how clean our home is. 

My previous wife was a clean freak, so our home from 1998 to 2004 was clean and orderly. Since my last wife and I broke up at the end of 2004, I did not have a partner that demanded a cleaner place, so when I answered that OKCupid question, I honestly answered that I live in filth. 

Mary and I have not lived in filth for the last year. We have kept this house relatively clean and orderly. However, neither of us does anything domestic. We do not cook (we eat all our meals out, mostly at salad bars) and we do not clean house, but we finally learned how to keep the place clean without having to clean. Mary had told me from the beginning that she likes to live in a clean clear uncluttered space, but then I saw that she does not actually do anything about that. When our previous home was messy the first year we were together, she complained about it constantly, but never did anything to clean it up. So we finally figured out that we would need to move into this house in a way that had everything put away from the beginning, because neither of us would tackle the job later. We have always joked that we would love to have a wife who loved to cook and clean and garden, etc.

(Warning: Much of the following is quite explicit, and some would be considered by some people to be "too much information". Of course some of the above that you have already read would also be similarly labeled TMI)

Frequency of Sex:
My orgasmic appetite is extreme! I've never known of anyone else that wants more sex than I do. Once in my twenties or thirties, I orgasmed 18 times in a day, just indulging myself. Age has not diminished my sexual appetite. Within this last year, I had an 8 orgasm day, and quite a few days with six. 3 per day is a bare acceptable minimum for me. I believe, but have never had the chance to prove, that loving partners could bring me to many more orgasms than I can give myself. 

Most people have such busy lives and prioritize other things so much more than intimate sharing, that they leave much less time available than I'm wanting for intimate cuddly connection. I'd like to find people who are not caught up in the career rat race, who mostly like to relax and enjoy being with each other. That is what I want in my retirement. Just a relaxed, loving, cuddly sexy life. Not scheduling sex, but letting it be the continuously enjoyed prioritized loving background of our lives, and then when we want or need to, we get up and do whatever we want or need to do. But when we are done with anything else, our priority and our default natural mutually preferred position would be to continuously and relaxedly enjoy each other intimately, cuddly, sexually. I don't like high-energy sex that wears me out. I like it slow and relaxed paced so I can enjoy continuously repeating it forever as long as I want to. And for me, cuddling quietly in each others arms for extended periods after orgasming, until we feel like getting turned on again, is one of the sweetest parts of sexuality. 

Innocence and Sexuality:
My impression is that for most people innocence and sexuality are mutually exclusive. Another of the totally unique things about me, is that my sexuality is based totally on innocence, which is the most attractive human trait to me. I define innocence as not being tainted by negativeness, unguardedness, lack of cynicism, complete openness to the beauty and awe of life, without focusing on the uglyness. I believe most people were brought up to see sex as the "nasty". So in order to enjoy the excitement of sexuality they thought they had to be willing to be bad, nasty. I retained my virginity until my wedding night, because I could not find anybody willing to share totally innocent, pure, wholesome, loving premarital sexuality with me. 

In early adolecence I heard other boys talk with lecherous enthusiasm about their wanting to see and wanting to touch any part of a girl's skin that they could manange. I wanted no part of that. I wanted to connect with both girls and boys in innocent cuddly affection, but nobody wanted that nor even considered it possible. As adolecence proceeded, I heard the boys always upping the ante to wanting to get to see and touch ever more private parts of girls skin. Thus I came to unfortunately associate skin touch with lecherous non-innocent sexuality. By being totally and exclusively turned on only by soft fuzzyness, the kind of thing people think of wrapping babies in, I was able to give myself a totally innocent sexuality, whether or not anyone else ever chose to join me there. I've spent the last 50 years unsuccessfully searching for precious others that would love to join me in innocent sexuality.

Please be clear that I am not in the slightest being judgmental or unaccepting of anyone else's sexual styles, as long of course as they are mutually consensual. I recognize that modern adults in the 21st century can engage in all kinds of sexual acts with a complete sense of innocence. I'm just honestly reporting what I was unfortunately conditioned to limit my sexuality to in order for it to feel innocent to me while i'm engaging in it.

Fuzzy Fetish
There is something unexpectably unique about my sexuality. I have an extreme sexual fetish addiction to feeling engulfed loosely in soft fluffy fuzzy furryness all over my body, completely, head to toe, especially including covering my face and hands. I am unfortunately actually sexually turned off by the feeling of naked skin. I can enjoy rubbing naked skin just fine when bringing a partner to orgasm, unless they are needing me to maintain an erection in order to turn them on (such as building a woman partner toward a vaginal orgasm), but for me to attain an erection, and especially to orgasm, I must be completely covered allover with and carressed with soft fluffy fuzzy furryness. There are a just few thousand people in the whole world who have a fuzzy fetish, most of them are heterosexual men who like to be naked themselves but love to see their partners wear a fuzzy sweater or fur coat during sex. Then there is a small fraction like me that like to wear soft fuzzyness themselves, but most of those still love nakedness along with the fuzzyness. However, among those few thousand fuzzy fetishists, there are only a few other people in the world who also prefer like I do to be covered all over with soft fuzzyness during sex, but as far as I know, I am the ONLY person I have ever heard of who absolutely NEEDS to be totally engulfed in fuzzyness without exception, in order to be able to orgasm. in a world where sexuality means nakedness and the enjoyment of touching naked skin, my extreme fetish addiction has understandably limited my chances for sharing sexual activities with others. I have needed to find the rare few partners who were so lovingly accommodating that they would allow me to be totally fuzzy while being sexual with them. Otherwise, the overwhelming majority of my sexuality my whole life has been just me alone with my fuzzies. 

If you are interested enough in reading more about my fuzzy fetish so that you would like to see my entire blog devoted just to explaining my fuzzy fetish feelings and my fuzzy fantasies, then you can go to

Sexy Smells
Another way that I have been blessed and cursed with an idiosyncrasy that has socially isolated me, is that my favorite most sexually appealing scents are the odors that most people consider repulsive, body odors, armpits, feet, and especially crotch smells. Perfumes actually turn me off. It's a blessing because I don't have to pay for perfumes to smell what turns me on the most. But a curse because other people are so turned off by the odors that turn me on.

I can understand that other people have different tastes than I do. What I can't abide is when people think that their way is the RIGHT way, that everyone, to be decent, SHOULD shower as often as necessary to always be freshly clean, and I am disgusting for having my own unusual tastes. I could be perfectly willing to compromise and shower daily to be clean for a person if they request that, but only if they request it respectfully, not that it is what I SHOULD do to be decent or acceptable, but that they recognize and honor my right to my own tastes and honor the sacrifice I would be making for them of giving up the smells that turn me on the most as a compromise so as not to be too unpleasant for them.

People online have asked me if I like to watch and be watched. I like to be watched, not as a titillation thing though, but just so I can teach my partner what feels best to me. I can also like to be watched by people who have no intention of stimulating me, but just enjoy being present, reverently, enjoying witnessing the ecstasy being experienced by me (and shared with my partner(s) if I have one(s) participating with me). 

About seeing me cumming, my orgasms are not viewable, at least not the squirting, because when I orgasm, my penis needs to be buried deep inside the softness that it is cumming into, and be squeezed tight while I cum. So I can not do any visible "cum shots". All that can be seen is just my fuzzy totally fur-covered body (literally fur-covered, not meaning my human body hair, which I do not have much of) writhing ecstatically, and my loud ecstatic orgasmic moans can be heard far and wide. One housemate has called it "the call of the wild".  I've always fantasized and wanted a partner who loves to see and hear just this! As much as possible! And so wants to make sure I am always turned on and orgasming as often as possible so they can enjoy seeing and hearing it! I know these are very self-indulgent fantasies, but I can dream can't I?

What I like
My unrealized lifelong fantasy has been to have a partner who says, "Show me how you pleasure yourself the best, so I can learn to do it to you the way you like it most, and then I'll show you that I can learn to do it for you many times better than you can do it for yourself."

I like long, slow, steady strokes from the base to the tip to the base and back and forth. "Slow and steady wins the race." Many other men like and need super rapid strokes and changes of pace that would just make me wilt.

I especially like and need the rest of my body to be held, cuddled, caressed, stroked with softness while my penis is being stroked. For me to orgasm, I need total full-body stimulation that I call having full-body orgasms.

I also love to pleasure my partner as much as they want. Before diseases, I really loved to suck deeply and swallow. I loved deeply sucking the whole shaft down to the base (because this is how I most like it to feel when being sucked), and nuzzling into the fragrant crotch hairs. (However, I could only enjoy sucking a penis that was small enough to fit comfortably in my mouth. So there were very few qualifying partners I could enjoy that with.) Now I'd mostly love to show my partner the ecstatic sensuous joy of being stroked with a fur-covered hand. With that kind of stimulation, size and diseases are irrelevant. 

Golden Rule vs. Platinum Rule Sexual Stimulation
I really enjoy the challenge of offering "golden rule" sex, which is stimulating my partner to orgasm by doing to him exactly what I like most being done to me, so he can experience the same ecstatic joy I experience. Then there is also the higher goal, of "platinum rule" sex, where I enjoy learning to give to my partner exactly what HE (or she) loves and wants to feel the most. While I can enjoy giving both golden rule and platinum rule sexual stimulation to my partner, my sexuality is limited enough that I mostly like to receive just platinum rule sex from my partner, where they learn to give me what I like to feel most. However, I do usually like to try, at least once, also receiving golden rule sexual stimulation too from my partner, him doing to me exactly what he likes most to feel, so I can experience what feels best to him. I may or may not be able to orgasm receiving golden rule sexual stimulation, but it is a great adventure of a challenge to find out, and a great togetherness experience either way. 

Other Sexual Fantasies (Explicit):
Here are some more explicit sexual fantasies I have had. I don't ever really expect these extreme fantasies to ever actuallly be realized, especially since they involve "unsafe" sexual behaviors, but they are fun to dream. 

I have always had fantasies of sharing sexually simultaneously with a couple. It would be so incredible to be sucked on by one while I'm kissing the other, then after being sucked to hardness, penetrating deep into the wife's vagina while sucking on the husband. Then after I've cum in her, they both could enjoy taking turns sucking me back to hardness enjoying the flavor and smell of her juices on my penis. I'd also like to lick the wife's clitoris while the husband is inside her, as well as licking his shaft while he strokes in and out of her. I love that you mention enjoying extended repeated sessions all day and night. 

I have a fantasy of making love continuously repeatedly all the time, only pausing as necessary to eat and do other life's necessities. I even fantasize not having to stop to eat, because a loving partner takes bites of delicious nutritious foods and passes them to me in kisses, while i am in the mouth or vagina of the other. in the most extreme version of the fantasy (which I hope does not offend you to hear me tell it to you), the partners want to suck on me ALL the time, nonstop, welcoming me to even pee in their mouth when i need to, so as to never need to stop sucking me continuously to repeated orgasms. The only exception they want is to let me cum occasionally in the vagina so they can then enjoy the taste of the vaginal juices on my penis again.